Hitting on Lily!
by halfdelita
Summary: James Potter and Sirus Black Hit on Lily with a slew of agonising pickup lines, which culminates in.. most interesting results! Warning! Not for the Lily-Livered :p


**James and Sirus Hit on Lily **

A/N: Of course I don't own Harry Potter! I –AM- Harry Potter! James and Lily are my parents! How else would I know so much about them doh?

Some adapted from the much-maligned Facebook group.

Xxoo

James, Sirus and Lily.

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James : "Hey, where have you been all my life?"

Lily : "Hiding from you."

James : "Scared?"

Lily : "Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?"

Sirus : "Rawr."

Lily : "I totally set myself up for that one.. *sigh*

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Sirus : Want to role-play? You'll be the Little Red Riding Hood. He can be your Grandma.

James : At least I get to be in bed.

Lily : I see where this is going. Sirus wants to eat you James. *drily* *leaves*

Sirus, James : No wait!!

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James : Sorry about last time.. Lets roleplay *glint in his eye* Voldemort

Lily : *shocked* Are you crazy? He'll kill us!! Wait.. this is another lame pickup isn't it!

James : Yup. I'm You-Know-Who. Want to go you-know-where, do you-know-what?

Lily : ……

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Sirus : You like it Doggie style?

*Transforms and pants*

Lily : "Sorry I prefer moaners to panthers."

*Transforms back*

Sirus : Ugh good one. You got me there.

James : Not me. *sends her a screamer*

Howler : "I LUV LILY POTTER!!"

Lily : *cries*

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James : *confides* I would like nothing more than to wake up with you and show you how big I am…

Lily : *blushes a little then recovers* Objects in mirror seem larger than they appear...

James : *deflates*

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James : *whispers* I'm seeing you in a vision… You are perfect and radiant….

Lily : *raises hand* Ms McGongall? James's having hallucinations! I think he needs to see Mdm Pomfery!

*A surprised James is led to the sickbay*

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Sirus : "Stand still so I can pick you up"

Lily : "Stand still so I can knock u down."

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James : "You've put me under the Imperius Curse. I'd do anything for you…"

Lily : "Have sex with Sirus. Now." *muffles giggles*

James : "…. Your wish is my command…" *walks to Sirus and starts humping him*

Lily : "James!!!"

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James : "Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?"

Lily : "Being with you is like being under the Cruciatus Curse."

James : "I must need Occlumency, because I can't get you out of my thoughts."

Lily : "You hot on Snape?"

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James : "Are a work of art?"

Lily : "Are you a bogart?"

James : "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy"

Lily : "If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing"

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James and Sirus : "I solemly swear I am up to no good…"

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Lily : *smiles*

James : "Oh my god. Did you just smile at us? The sun has risen!"

Sirus : *jawdrops*

Lily : Actually at Dumbledore, who's behind you?"

James : *looks lost for a minute* "Does that mean you want to give head?"

Dumbledore : My office now, James!

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James : Are you an angel? You give me a warm fuzzy feeling!

Lily : Are you a Dementor? You send chills up my spine!

James : If you were a Dementor I would turn criminal just to get your kiss.

Lily : Good. This is for a get-out-of-Azkaban-free card then. *kisses him on the cheek*

James : *Stunned*

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Sirus : I heard looks could kill. Lucky for James yours was set on stun yesterday.

Lily : You jealous?

Professor Sprout : Quiet please! You'll wake the mandrakes!

Sirus : *whispers* I need a place to bury my seed.

Lily : *glares* I need a place to bury you.

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James sneaks into Lily's room.

Lily : Get out James. I mean it.

James : Uh, oh? Ummmm. I'm invisible. Cloak and stuff."

Lily : "Really now." She crossed her arms.

James : "Can you see me?

Lily : "Yes."

James : "How about tomorrow night?"

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James: "Hey Lily. Thanks for meeting me for Hogsmead. Could you hold something for me?"

Lily : "Sure thing Potter."

James sticks out his hand.

Lily takes it.

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James : "Would you like a butterbeer? Sirus says it's a portkey you know. Next thing you know we'll be back at my place."

Lily : *thinks – why am I even here*

James : "You know.. when I said "Accio hottie" I didn't think it would work…

Lily : "You were perhaps expecting a firewhiskey?"

James: "God. That settles it. You're everything I want, everything I need Evans…"

Lily : "You're not what I want and you've got nothing I need Potter."

James : "I can be your house elf. I'll do whatever you want and I don't need any clothes." He persisted.

Lily : "I'm sure you don't. You've got nothing worth covering up."

James : "You are."

Lily : "I'm going to Disapparate now to puke. Cya Potter!"

James : *hurriedly puts a hand on hers to stop her from poofing*

---------------------------

Lily: *hesistates*

James : "…….*mumble mumble*"

Lily : "Spit it out Potter."

James : "Lily.. You are.. My happy thought when I produce a Patronus…"

Lily : "Oh James. We may not be in Professor Flitwick's class, but you still are charming."

James : "Do you…"

Lily : "Yeah. My thought are with you always."

Jame's grin widened.

James : "Boy I'm tired from all that running through your mind."

Lily : "No. You're tired from whomping the willow thinking of me." *smirk*

James : "Ahh.. Divination teaches that? Trewaley's not such a blind old bat after all."

Lily : "Ha. Hagrid's not teaching you to handle your monster very well is he."

James : "Hmm yeah. He never taught Basilisk. I'm getting lost in its hazel eyes. It's making me hard…"

Lily : "You're thick as stone. It won't make any difference."

James : "Hmm.. Is that a mirror in your pocket? I can see myself in your pants."

Lily : "Potter. Stop. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest Hogwart student on earth tonight."

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*Thunder booms*

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James : "Sorry Lil'. It's the Imperius curse you put on me again."

Lily : *giggles* "You phail Defence against Dart Arts."

James : *Holds both her hands with his own and looks into her eyes* "Well. Doesn't matter. Cos this Seeker caught the Golden Snitch."

Lily : .

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James : "You're my Firebolt 5000 Lily…"

Lily : *slaps him* "You want to ride me?!"

James : *clutches reddened face* "Well, that too. But I was gona say you sweep me off my feet ._."

Lily : "Oh. Well then.." *kisses it better*

James : "Hey… I caught this huge fish fair and square. Time to take it home and mount it?"

Lily : *slaps him again, laughingly* MALE!

James : "You know. I believe in gender equality. Lets say, the length of my arm, from here to here…" *pretends to measure* Is the same as that of your shoulders from here to here!" *drapes his arm firmly across her shoulders*

Lily : "Ah. That must mean my finger fits.. HERE!: *she jabs him hard in the ribs and dislodges him*

James : *looks hurt* It took me ages to come up with that one. Don't make me pull a Sirus on you!

Lily : "That would be…?"

James : "Sirus # 1… Beg.*goes on bended knee* Be mine…."

Lily : *shakes head* "Won't work."

James : "Sirus # 2 … *Wide eyes with trembly lip*"

Lily : *nope* "Try again."

Sirus : *Sneezes somewhere far away*

James : *suddenly chokes and falls to the ground, clutching at his chest, then stops breathing*

Lily : "James? JAMES!! This is NOT FUNNY!!" *hurries to his side to check his vital signs, then bends over to administer CPR*

James : *jerks to life and puts his arms around her, prolonging the kiss*

Barkeep : "Oiiii! No screwing on my floor! Get a room you two!"

James : *whispers in her ears* "Sirus #3.. Play dead…"

Lily : *laughs despite herself*

James : *stands up carrying the still-laughing Lily bride-style in his arms.* Do I win this time?

Lily : *stubbornly shakes her head* You cheated!

James : "Fine. Have more butterbeers till I look good to you." *He gently sets her down in her stool*

Lily : "You never looked better than tonight Potter."

James : "Head at my place Tail at yours?" *closes eyes, expecting to get slapped again*

Lily : "Fine. Save a broom. Ride a Quidditch player. *eyeroll*"

James : "Score!" \o/

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Lily : Gosh. Potter. You're Hairy.

*Lightning Strike*

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Xxoo


End file.
